


"BB8 told me..." - Oneshot

by NeliorTheSpecter



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-23 12:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23444941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeliorTheSpecter/pseuds/NeliorTheSpecter
Summary: Poe is unsure if he can take his Feelings for Finn, while his crush is with someone else.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Kudos: 6





	"BB8 told me..." - Oneshot

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fist Shipping Oneshot which I wrote in english and also the first one basing on a Song.  
> Song: I hate you, I love you - gnash  
> Words: (without Intro/outro) 5’563 words

Feeling used but I'm still missing you  
And I can't see the end of this  
Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips

Across the hangar, there he stands. Talking with some of the other pilots of the resistance. Again, I caught myself starring at him, while BB8 tries to remind me, that I forget to check the adjustments I just made. This was the third time today, I starred at my Crush and I hope nobody noticed. Yeah, he is just my crush. Some of my colleagues asked me if we were already dating, but no. We don’t. So many times, I tried to make out what he was thinking, if he liked me the way I like him of if he likes someone else. His face is a mystery for me and still, I want it in my hands, his lips on mine. A second time, BB8 gets me out of my thoughts with loud noises and reminds me, that it’s already time to eat lunch. „Thanks, Buddy! “, I muttered, shortly before leaving my work for the little break.

And now all this time is passing by  
But I still can't seem to tell you why  
It hurts me every time I see you  
Realize how much I need you

I was on my way to the canteen, when I saw him again. His perfect face in the crowd. Even when I try to ignore him, I still see him through the people like a hunter its prey. Normally, I sit with my colleagues, but after the last battle, many of them are dead so the rest of us looks for new groups to join up with. I didn’t even have the chance to look somewhere for my pilots. Rey waves at me enthusiastic and smiling over both ears, next to her my love, Finn. My face went a little bit red as I walked by the other resistance fighters and sat down. My plan was to sit as far as I could get from my friends, to save them from my emotions, but Rey disagrees. She puts, using the force, my food right between her and Finn. I try to smile happy but somehow, I got sad. Sad that even this little gesture of friendship won’t fill the hole in me. The hole created by Finn being interested in other people, kissing them – yeah, he told us.

I hate you; I love you  
I hate that I love you  
Don't want to but I can't put  
Nobody else above you

The first thing Rey did after I sat down, was hugging me shortly. After that she started talking about all the new jedi tricks she learned in the forests and how much fun she had with the adventures on her own. While Finn was interacting with her, I just sat there and ate slowly or better didn’t ate my food. It tasted awesome but somehow, I couldn’t enjoy it. Just a few minutes after I sat down, I wanted to bring my food in the trash. Rey’s mood went from happy and laughing to worried and sad. „Got a headache… “, was my answer before I left. I kind of regretted the harsh and annoyed voice I used for it, but there was no going back now. The pain, to be right next to him but can’t have him was too big. I thought about how to love someone else to get away from Finn, but there was, after many trying, no other man, who I could love more than my one and only.

I hate you; I love you  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I'll never be her

As I was about to go back to BB8, I remember that it was still lunch time and I didn’t even waste five minutes. I didn’t want to be surrounded by people right now, so I walked back to work. Like I thought, there was no one right now. Finally, I’m alone with my thoughts. I know about Finn and Rose and this morning Rose told me everything that happened. We accidentally met outside of the base and walked together through the forest, talking about updates and exchanged stories. When we came to the topic Finn, she told me that they had something and that she probably lost him to Rey. In my eyes it totally did fit. They hang out in all the free time we get and when Rey does train in the woods he stays mostly alone, except for BB8, who is visiting him sometimes. Now I don’t have any chance anymore. There is just the awesome and famous Rey, the Jedi, or me, a pilot. Who he did choose was clear already.

I miss you when I can't sleep  
Or right after coffee  
Or right when I can't eat

Nobody was in the hallways, fascinating. I got my bottle with some space soda and brought it back to the Hangar, where BB8 was already waiting for me I start my work with a fake smile and no enthusiasm, always having Finn on my mind and permanently making mistakes. After all the time which I have spent with the robot together, I think he knows what’s in my mind. The way he watches everything I do and always reminding me when I do something wrong, but not in an aggressive way, more like a calm buddy, who just wants to help a little bit. In the corner of my eye I see Finn and Rey walking across the hallway from the canteen into the other direction. I don’t want to know what they want to do now. I’m slightly getting more and more angry over me and my stupidity, that I want something from the Ex-Stormtrooper and especially over my way of acting. BB8 makes one of many sounds, which I understand as the questioning for a flight. „Awesome idea, buddy. Then let’s get you in there! “, I said and just a minute later we start the Xwing.

I miss you in my front seat  
Still got sand in my sweaters  
From nights we don't remember

The seat behind me was empty. The sad truth behind me and the high forest in front of me. I don’t even notice that my speed was too fast for save flying over the station, I just keep flying circles over the heads of the resistance. BB8 did not said anything after leaving the hangar and that’s good that way. I just want to calm down and to be in the air helped me always. I hear over the coms in the background that some of the pilots want to make a new route for the training, that some of the medics need more equipment and that the new General was doing something new but didn’t got what. I don’t care about that all right now because when someone wants something from me, they had to wait for me. Out of nothing a Voice cuts through all of the talking like a live though warm butter. Finn, he asked about someone, who he is missing. I ignore it, even with the hope that he meant me and cared about me, but I was not missing, so the person wasn’t me. I laughed about my own stupidity, that he would do that for me in this situation.

Do you miss me like I miss you?  
Messed around and got attached to you  
Friends can break your heart too  
And I'm always tired but never of you

In my head flying the daydreams. What if Finn never met Rey? What if he didn’t kissed Rose? What if we were better friends? Are we even friends anymore? I don’t even know who my friends are next to BB8 and my Xwing. I never got close to the surviving pilots of the resistance. I had with some of them One night stands but the ones I was together with are already killed by the first order. The rest of them are not my close friends. We work together and help each other, but I’ve never gotten more out of that, than just friendship. I spend so much time with just being with Finn somewhere, that I forgot to resist him. I never had the feeling that it was too much what I did. That i would just run after him and I would still do it all day, just to become his number one and not just someone. We were all the time together and it was the best time of my live until somehow something happened, and we broke apart. I got sad, broken by my crush.

If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit  
I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that shit  
I type a text but then I 'never mind' that shit  
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit

Hours went by and I was patrolling over the whole continent, trying to help the other pilots with finding a training route though as many different grounds as possible. I already found one, but I want to be sure to have a good one. BB8 already reminded me that I should have said something to the base, and that they will worry about me if I stay to long away, but I responded with „it’s no war anymore. “And „What should happen out here. “. After another hour my Xwing showed me with a lot of noises, that I needed to refill the tank, or we would crash. Too bad that I was right now over the sea and outside of the map, so I don’t know where the next ground is or if I can get back to the base in time. I decided to fly back, hoping to reach the ground before I fall from the sky, but I see that I wouldn’t make it. So, my last option is to call for help. I activate the microphone on my helmet and wait a few seconds. The voices are panicking in my headset and screaming something about someone who is gone missing, again. I say with a breaking but loud voice into the microphone: „Here Dameron, I need a Patrolling team over here. Now! “and turned both off.

Oh oh, keep it on the low  
You're still in love with me but your friends don't know  
If you wanted me you would just say so  
And if I were you, I would never let me go

I saw the other Xwings after a half hour flying over the ocean without any land in sight of land. I already did write a goodbye message for Finn on my data pad, if I wouldn’t survive that stupid idea. The others get fast closer and I ask over com: „I’m extremely low on fuel and I have information for the Resistance on board. “. They accepted this lie without asking back, I am surprised. It took just a few minutes and the other Xwing pilots pumped some of their fuel in my tank while flying. That was something we teach each other all the time, so we had no problem. But after they helped me, they didn’t go back to the base the report, they stayed with me and escorted me back to the station. Somehow it felt like a convoy for transporting a criminal. I didn’t feel good, being all the time watched by all the other pilots of the resistance. Probably they think a lot of bad things about me after their best pilot just begged for help. An easy prey for the mean ones.

I hate you; I love you  
I hate that I love you  
Don't want to, but I can't put  
Nobody else above you

Under us is this big blue ocean, turning to green and black. The sun from the backside and the shadow of the Xwings in front of me on the water. In the knowing, that the other pilots don’t want to talk to me right now, I did turn the commlink of and opened the channel to my robot. “Do you got the Information’s I talked about for the ground around here?”- “Beeb”- “Okay, that’s good, did you notice anything special? Like a Cave high enough or a good place in the woods for another base?”- “Beeb”- “And you got the routes for the training group?”- “Beeb”- “That’s awesome, at least something I can show up when I come back home. You good back there?”- “Beeb”- “Then is everything good. Talk to you later, buddy.”, I turn the communicator of and just look over the Ocean. This much water… I would have never made it alive back home. I would have dropped into the water before I even see land in front of me. Now I’m kind of happy to call the patrolling group. Our Area isn’t that small, and they still needed over a half hour to get to me.

I hate you; I love you  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I'll never be her

At the horizon I could nearly see sand and the begin of a forest. Finally, Land in sight. I think about what will happen back at the base when I come home with a convoy. Some could think that I wanted to desert, flee from the base because of murder or worse. I actually don’t really care what the people in the resistance think about me, they are not allowed to attack or kill me when I didn’t do anything. I don’t want to think about it, but my thoughts go straight back to Finn and Rey. Are they together or not? Do they care? Am I still a friend to them, or just a member of the resistance? Just a Pilot who is replaceable? I have enough of those thoughts, so I decide to join the group chatting over commlink and headset. They just talked about a newbie who made a lot of mistakes and lead to a lot of funny stories. They were mostly hilarious, so I laughed for myself, enjoying the voices in my Headset and the relaxing feeling resulting. It all went back to stress when we got in our Area.

I don't mean no harm  
I just miss you on my arm  
Wedding bells were just alarms  
Caution tape around my heart

Back at the resistance base BB8 took over the control and landed the ship safely, because I was too tired and exhausted to do anything. I mutter: „Thanks, Bud. “to the bot, before I leave the Xwing and the Hanger. Many people look over at me, but I ignore them skillfully. It’s already dark outside and I am tired, what made the ignoring easier. I walk past the other members and into my room, where I just fall in the bed without even changing or doing something. I met Finn somewhere in the hallway but ignored him and Rey with a sunken head, hanging shoulders and a slow walk. But right now, I couldn’t care for anyone. My brain is burning from all the love I feel and the rejection I always get back. I don’t want to hurt my friends, but they are better without me right now. They should have their fun and I won’t disturb them. 

You ever wonder what we could have been?  
You said you wouldn’t, and you did  
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fix  
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all mixed

The next morning, I wake up in the full fly outfit laying on top of my bed and with a big headache. My eyes filled with old tears and swollen from the night. „Fuck" I hate it when I look like that, because everyone is asking me why my eyes look like shit. I have luck that I wasn’t too late for Breakfast. I laid my data pad on my bed and left the room in a hurry. I tried to avoid people on my way into the canteen, but I never had such thing as luck. I ran in Finn and Rey, which were discussing loudly, which made my headache even worse. I got grumpier than I wanted to be seen. Both get silent as I walk past them in direction of the cafeteria. Rey tried to follow me and said things like: „Where were you? What took you so long? Is something wrong? Talk to me! “I just turn around and say a single: „No! “, before I walked away from the worried faces of Finn and Rey. I just can’t talk to them right now. I’m too weak for that.

Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing  
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance

„Here.“, I put carefully the new data pad BB8 stole for me on the table and open the files for the new training tracks and for the many places where different buildings could be placed, so that the whole planet would be colonized by the resistance and their families. The Impression was high in my counterpart’s eyes. „Where did you get that from? That’s all big help for our plans. You’ve done a lot for us. Tell me, how did you get them? “- „I was just flying around. BB8 did scan all the things because I was too busy. “, I could stop me from talking about Finn. The pilots on my table start to grin and another resistance fighter appears at our table. He asked me, like he would know what his friends were thinking: „And, how is your best buddy? Who was it, Finn? “- „Why don’t you ask him? “Confusion is written on his face: „I thought you were close, and I got something for him from the general. He just said that it’s for your best friend. “- „Okay I'll bring it for you. Something else I can do for you? “- „No, that’s all. See you around. “He puts a data pad like a secret message on the table and walks casually of. 

When love and trust are gone  
I guess this is moving on  
Everyone I do right does me wrong  
So, every lonely night, I sing this song

I say goodbye to the two pilots with waving at them and leave the cafeteria after I threw my trash away. My first checkpoint is the place where I saw Finn and Rey the last time, but they were not there anymore. So, I had the choice to decide between going back to the cafeteria and hoping they’d be there or looking for Finn in his room. I decide for the second option after hearing the bell, which calls us to work in the morning. I know exactly how I can find Finns place because I’ve been there many times and I was never brave enough to knock or ask if I could come in. I dream often how much it would smell like Finn in there. And now I have a good Reason to be close to him again. A lot of Adrenaline pumps through my veins the more the closer I get to his room. What would he say? Would he let me in? Am I still friend enough to be allowed there? Is Rey with him? I hope not.

I hate you; I love you  
I hate that I love you  
Don't want to, but I can't put  
Nobody else above you

His Door is an inch open and Finn himself is nowhere to be found so I sneak in his room and put the data pad right next to the commlink on his Table. Would I haven’t turned around I would never have seen the two pads laying on his bed. One of them showed a map of the base which I found out when I lifted it. His and my rooms were circled, and a line connected them. The other pad was mine. And my pad was showing the goodbye message I wrote on the flight yesterday. Now, when I read it again it sounds a lot sadder, than it should have, and I was just talking about my death and not how much I loved him. That way it would be probably better. Maybe did BB8 told him that something was of, but I hope he didn’t. No one else knew about this. Still, my biggest mistake was leaving it in my room. I got scared what Finn or Rey will do, when they think of me now. I need to leave, now. 

I hate you; I love you  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I'll never be her

I leave the room in high speed and about to get into the Hangar, but some pilots and fighters stood in front of the doorway and ran in my direction, after they saw me. My brain was blank, and I wanted just to get out of the base. Only a: “Fuck” left my Mouth. Outside of the Base were two old speeders and some scrap. Nothing usable for me right now so I ran into the forest. I had still my full pilot costume on, what I noticed in surprise. Even without being notified through commlink, BB8 still know that I need him right now and the ship landed a few hundred yards from my position. What I didn’t know was that Rey was already waiting for me, following the Xwing out of the Hangar. I heard her Voice screaming “Stop!” I turned and tripped over something. I stand up and run the path deeper in the forest before I got sawn by someone. It’s sunrise by now. Exhausted I arrive on a ledge where forest and cliff meet and where I get a perfect view over the base.

All alone I watch you watch her  
Like she's the only girl you've ever seen  
You don't care you never did  
You don't give a damn about me

In the middle of the little stone circle is a fireplace. I remember showing this place to Finn once. Back then when we were friends and I could hide my feelings. Captured in old memories I stare into the distant. I let the time pass by and stand up after one and a half hour to get back to the base, hoping that I won’t be treated as a bad guy or worse but what should happen to me. I’m just a pilot who was just in a bad place. I can’t lose anything at all because I have nothing. Finn has Rey and the resistant has each other. I am alone. Except of course for BB8 but this robot is much liked by everyone. My decision stands. I go back and don’t run anymore. It is weird for me, that I first run and then go back without even having done nothing wrong. I grin because of my stupidity and my failure to interact with others like a normal Human being.

Yeah all alone I watch you watch her  
She's the only thing you've ever seen  
How is it you never notice  
That you are slowly killing me

I hear steps behind me, the direction where I came. I turn around, my Blaster ready to fire ant already aiming. I would have expected everyone else, even Rose, coming though the bushes but it was Rey. The one and only for Finn, so I put the blaster away, before I could hurt her, or Finn would try to kill me and that were not my intensions. She put her lightsaber away and stepped a little away from the gab in the bushes. Her follows the one and only Person I did not want to be here right now: Finn. I was to perplex that I couldn’t move a muscle while Finn runs over to me and nearly nocks me down with his hug. A magical Moment for me. All my emotions flow out of me which I held successfully back for so long. First it was just a Tear but shortly after that I hugged Finn back like I would never let him go and started to cry. Because of what? I don’t know. I just want all the pain to go away.

I hate you; I love you  
I hate that I love you  
Don't want to but I can't put  
Nobody else above you

It took me longer than I expected to calm down. I didn’t want to let Finn go, just a familiar Voice behind him and Rey made me look up. It was just the one Pilot from today on the breakfast table who gave me the data pad. I nod in his direction and he replies through waving shortly. Rey’s face is filled with a friendly and happy smile same as Finn’s face. My colleague is the first to turn around and says over his commlink to his people to stop the search. They had what they wanted. I still blame myself for running away and being so childish. My eyes slowly go down and I look at my feet because my ashamed being so that I don’t have to look at the others faces. Well, no. Finn, who still stands next to me lifts my head with his hand and turns my Face around to him. In the corner of my eyes I see Rey leaving the ledge. Finn slaps my face ‘gently’ to get my attention back. Pretty close for me, not more than two inches between us. He captures my eyes with his and says with a calm but strong voice: “We talk about all that when were back at the base. You owe me an explanation. And don’t even thinking about running away again.” 

I hate you; I love you  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I'll never be her

A troop of ten people, all fully armed, escort me back to the base and through the hallways, my hands in cuffs. Now I really felt like a murderer or an information dealer. Not trusting eyes, confused and scared ones starring at me while we walk through the commando central. Finn, who didn’t leave my side, surprisingly, puts the stolen data pad with all my information’s on one of the commando desks. He took me by my arm and pushed me forward until we reached the general. I don’t listen at all what they were saying, still deep inside my thoughts what now could happen and what the hug meant for Finn. Maybe he sees me now with different eyes. The reaction when he saw me confuses me. I was all the time mad and unfair to him and he hugs me like he missed me. Finn pushes me to the side, out of the convoy and into a small floor. I don’t even try to ask what happened or how he could get me free. The silence between us walks with us through the corridors and after a long time of walking, Finn pushes me though a door in a part of the station, where I never went.  
“Is it true, what you wrote down on your data pad…”, his voice breaking and tears coming through. He does not even look me in the eyes, so much pain is it causing, to think about it.  
“Would it change anything?” His face turned from a little bit worried to a lot worried.  
“Of course, it would! We would lose the best pilot of the resistance and… and … I could lose you!” I can’t really believe what he’s saying. No best pilot flies without checking if there is enough fuel especially without a mission. And why would he care?  
“I’m not the best, I was never. There are way better people out there, which you can care about.”, my voice just a shadow of itself and my head hanging, looking away from Finn’s pain filled eyes. I just can’t see him that broken. Why is he not staying with Rey and lives happily?  
“I don’t need to care about the others when I already have you!” Finn getting even more angry, “Do you even know what you mean to us? To me and Rey? To the whole resistance? You saved more lives that I could count, and you still think that you’re not great? How?!”  
“Because I don’t get what I want, doesn’t matter how much I bleed for it...”, I talked faster than I could think, but I notice that I got myself into talking what I miss in this moment.  
“What, what do you want so much that you would die for it?! Tell me!”, Finn nearly screams at me in confusion and desperate. I would scream back at his face, telling him how much I love him and how much I miss being just with him on missions, in total trust for each other.  
“I can’t…”, now my voice is gone.  
“Why? I was asking your friends and colleagues what could be going wrong right now, and nobody could tell me what was wrong with you. I called Rey back here just for you, but even she couldn’t figure out why you were so cold and distant. I thought you were good with the people around you. I thought you had ‘fun’ with them. I thought you would be now truly happy after you took other for the night in your room. I just wanted you to be fine, but you aren’t. Why you didn’t tell me is not on me to decide, but I would have helped you. Even Rose didn’t know what was going on with you after I asked her to talk to you. After Rey told me what you’ve written down, I couldn’t believe it. Please, tell me why you’ve been avoiding us? Why? Please, it hurts, buddy…”, his monologue ender in begging. I would do everything now for him but… he wasn’t going to do anything with Rey. She just helped. He just tried to figure me out. With the help of all the friends he has known. Did the pilot, who gave me the pad, also just helped Finn? Probably yes. He was looking at me like he wanted to read something out of my mind. He didn’t let me fly after he read the message, I wrote. I feel now kind of worse than before.  
“I’m good.”, I lift my head, looking him straight into his eyes, seizures him disbelieve.  
“Don’t lie to me Poe, I know that face good enough.”. He comes closer, to close, whispering now: “What are you hiding from me?”  
I don’t even let him think about what he just said. I response in a harsh way: “A big and very complicated Secret.” I open the door and stepped into the hallway, before he even realizes what I just said. What I didn’t quite planned were the possibility for people who were on Finns side. In front of me stand the three of the pilots I ate with this morning and behind me Rey and Rose. There is no running without a fight. Before I did choose which group, I want to fight to get the hell out of here, did Finn grab my arm. I had no choice but staying with him, so I went back in this dark room. This time Finn does not look just a little bit worried; his face shows anger and frustration but also worries and fears.  
“Please buddy!” Now his voice sounds really heartbreaking.  
“I can’t tell you. You probably won’t even accept my actions after I told you what’s really about. It stays a secret, even if it does kill me slowly, I won’t say it.”, I try my best to push him out of my comfort zone before my R-rated Ideas come back but he just gets closer. In the next few seconds, I forget everything I planned to do. Still with the cuffs on my hands. I slowly get closer looking from his eyes to his lips and back and biting my lip in a gentle way. All my instincts are taking over. Before I could stop myself, Finn already did put his lips on mine. My reflex in this situation, which I’ve always have dreamed of, is kissing back, shy and insecure. A mixture of adrenaline and oxytocin runs through my veins and I put my hands to Finn’s face before he takes a step back, to watch me.  
“Was it that what you wanted?”, his voice got dry and darker but that just made it sexier. I could just grin in this situation. It takes a few seconds for my brain to form the next sentence: “Are we still ‘buddy’s’?” Now is Finn’s reaction just a small giggling.  
“If you want to, but we could be way more.” I just can’t believe what’s happening in here. My crushes fist kisses me and second wants more from me. Am I already dead and in heaven?! I just have one final question for the Ex-Stormtrooper: “How did you knew?”- “BB8 told me"


End file.
